Jaqueline, Damien, Why Do You Bother To Stay?

Started this at, like, 3 in the morning. Couldn't sleep till it was at least part way done. I was watching an animatic for the song Evelyn, Evelyn, and part of it just kinda hit me. It helped me to understand myself a little more, ya know? Most people who know me know that I'm genderfluid and troubled. I suffer from PTSD, thanks to a narcissistic stepmom. Thanks to her, I've developed a more male side, aka, Damien. He tends to come out whenever Im feeling down, or sometimes when I'm really excited, or happy. But lately, he's been there because I've been stressed. 
    I have three younger brothers, who I haven't seen in years because I haven't been allowed to. And lately, the eldest one has been in my dreams a lot. I was really close to him when I was younger. But in my dreams, he keeps getting hurt..I want to help, but I don't know what to do. Most of my childhood I was surrounded by men, and was shunned by the important women in my life. Hence my confusion on my gender identity. 
    I guess I kinda drew this as an apology to myself. Damien has been out recently, as I said. And he hasn't had the chance to be happy in a while. So, yeah, I know. You didn't ask for this. And I'm sorry.


Lineart by Rinmaru games. 
Background by remidica-stock.deviantart.com/…